
As I drove home from my appointment with Dr. Lee, I felt an odd sense of aliveness. My life was totally on the line, and I was terrified. But I was also energized. I was ready to fight! Absolutely no one or nothing on this earth would keep me from my family, from my wife and our three sons. Nothing!
But right next to this dogged determination was paralyzing fear. What if I don’t make it? What if I die and leave my boys fatherless? Cancer doesn’t allow for neutral emotions: every feeling, good and bad, is heightened and punctuated by the risk at hand. This was a kind of intense terror I had never known—and it was purifying.
Purifying? How can cancer be purifying? People die of cancer every day. Fathers leave behind wives and children to fend for themselves. Single mothers leave behind their children. People fight and agonize for years only to eventually succumb to this monstrous disease. The devastation of losing a loved one to cancer brings pain beyond words, beyond imagining. Fighting cancer is serious business. But purifying?
Yes, cancer is deadly serious. And precisely because cancer is deadly serious, it clarifies our thoughts and quickly distills life down to its essential elements. Was I going to shrink and remain in fear, or was I going to fight and take action? Was I going to live or die?
This is an excerpt from Trusting God with Cancer, by Rob Raban.
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